My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
