Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
