Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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