I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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