if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
