I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
