I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
