you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize