Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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