I looked at my own cervix.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
