I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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