I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
