No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
