My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
