Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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