How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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