Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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