It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
