He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
