Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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