Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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