GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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