we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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