Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
