I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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