Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
