You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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