I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
