Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
