Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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