You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
