You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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