so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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