i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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