You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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