I am puke
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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