At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
