I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
