When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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