a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fuck appropriateness.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
