I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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