So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
