i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
