I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
