Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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