so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
