Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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