clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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