You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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