all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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