I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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