okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
