I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
