benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
