chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
