Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
