The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
