There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
