i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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