btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i barfeds in our rink
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
