By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
