You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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