He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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