I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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