You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
