Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
