I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the day after is always just damage control
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
