Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
