I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
