i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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