I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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